Still trying to figure out vitamins

Calcium Citrate... 8 pills a day... wow... we can only absorb 500mg at a time, so I'm stuck. Need to get some Vit. A, some tender Iron and D3 and E and protein powder. Ugh. so much in such a short amount of time. But I'll do it. Some may come after surgery, but it will come.

Time is creeping. I see the doc on Thursday, which is good. It gives me something to do. 

Time is getting close

And I'm totally overwhelmed. Stress is something that's not good for me either. I'm feeling unsure and don't know if it's depression or what? I need a vacation from all this, I really do. 

I have 20 days 'til surgery and I can feel the urgency. I see the surgeon on the 31st, that's next week. That should be interesting enough. This thursday I see my primary doctor for my B12 shot, i also get to see if I've lost anymore weight.

So tired now, I just want to be done with it and on with my new life. Feeling better and looking better. And diabetes so far away from me. 

waiting

i hate waiting. need new things to keep myself busy. three weeks, four weeks, five weeks. HOW MUCH LONGER?? UGGH. I don''t know. Everyone says it will go by fast. I sure hope so. Right now, it's creeping. 

I'm so occupied by the pain from the scar tissue, I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes, it's just too much. Lower back pain. nerve pain. site pain. Darvocet helps but you have to overlap it. to stay pain free. and i don't wanna do that. cause the pain only lasts for about 2 wks. and i wanna know when it goes away. 

I guess when it stops waking me up at night.

All of a sudden

I'm scared. what if i die. what if i get leaks? what if there are complications? So many what if's. I don't know what to think anymore. Now that it's definate, it's more than a dream or an idea. It's too real. Do I really want this?? Yes. And no. Who really wants an operation. I'm gonna take a bath and relax.

Surgery

My surgery date is AUGUST 11th !!!! I have to see the doctor on the 31st of July and then it's a week's wait and then SURGERY. OMG! Time will fly !

I might have a date !!!

I called first thing this morning and I got her!!! My tentative date is AUGUST the 11th. Yahoo!!! I'll know for sure by 5PM.I am so happy!

VBlog

I started a video blog on YouTube. Sometimes it's easier to  talk than write. Here's the link Rny to DS.

Monday's the day

That's the day I'm determined to talk to that "Tina" woman and get my surgery date. It will be one week and I have been 'impatient yet polite. only three messages." Very polite messages.  i'm gonna call at 8:15 monday  morning and try to catch her before she sees anyone. That will be my day's mission.

Deep Thought

I said some deep stuff in therapy on Tuesday. About DS and the reasons I want it and how I'm a bit afraid of how I'm gonna be, being smaller. After years of hiding behind fat, I won't be able to do that anymore. So, what do you do? EXPOSED. For who I really am. Oh, well. 

That's what I'm in therapy for I guess.