Ok

I left another message today. No phone call. I wont call again until NEXT week. I wanna talk to this female. She could at least tell me the status of everything. Bitch. 

I've left two messages with the contact person for the doctor and she hasn't called me back. just want to know what she has and what she doesn't have yet. I'm not calling anymore. Not until after next week. I'm just gonna try and chill and realize surgery won't be until mid August. ARRRGG!!!

I'm hating this. I would like life to get started already. But, everything in due time. Watch him go on vacation. I just know it. And how come everyone else can reach her, but me? 

Just one conversation would be nice.

last of the pre-op tests

Nutritionist.. I get too smile, nod and be a good girl for someone who knows nothing about the DS today. I know this nutritionist, but she probably only knows the RNY. That's fine. I'll listen. Learn things I already know about malabsorption and be the bestest student in the world. No delusions here mame. : ) Just send a positive report and we'll be BFF's forever.

In all seriousness, I will be so glad when tomorrow comes. I'll be done with this portion and I can get a surgery date in about a week. Then a whole new ball of wax begins : ).

Wish

I wish I could eat more. I'm really hungry, but my stomach can't handle it right now. I've lost 14lbs in one month. Keeping hydrated. I know it's better for the surgery and gives me less to loose overall, but I wish I had something I could put in my gut that agreed with me.

Taking two tuna sandwiches and some water with me today. Hoping I'll get hungry enough to enjoy them. I'll need my strength. Today's test really worries me. I think it's a stress test. I'm scared of that and I don't know why. I can do a treadmill, but run??? I don't know.

all I can do is my best. pray I'll pass and get ready for the Nutritionist. She'll be easy. Talked to her before. I don't think she knows anything about the DS, so I'll school her somewhat. Gotta get my facts straight though with the malabsorption rates and stuff.

later

interesting

would I be happy at the weight of 185lbs? personally, no. I wanna weigh around 150lbs. anything smaller and I would look death like. am i doing this surgery for the right reasons? who's to judge? I want to look better, feel better, take diabetes out of the picture, stop the family insults and just live for once. no more body aches. prettier clothes. all types of superficial and deep reasons. the list goes on and on.

my primary doctor is so supportive. my mom just wants me to not die on the table. my friends want me to be happy. so do my therapist and psych doc. I'm not telling one of my friends. She's negative about the whole thing and I don't need that vibe.

Either way. Tomorrow's a big day. Gotta rest up. Later.

my stomach

it's been pretty bad. nausea, cramping, vomiting. my bowels isn't too great either. an the pain from the scar tissue is about at level 7 at times. I'm not a happy camper. hip and back pain. THIS IS HELL WEEK!!!

I've got some warm tea in hopes of settling my stomach. I really don't feel well. I hope my period comes BEFORE surgery. I don't wanna eat, but the only thing that makes my stomach feel good is spaghetti. protein is too heavy. 'cept for some tuna. 

hopefully i'll feel better  soon.

Yuk

So many people are being switched this month. Good. They are doing well and I'm so happy for them. I love to hear good news about people. 

I'm not doing so good today. Menses. And the adhesions hurt me when that time comes around. I hope he can do something about it when he operates. Gonna get some pain meds on Monday. Have to do a fasting blood work for Dr. Mali too. So glad this week is OVER. Hopefully it will be a fast weekend and I can get things  moving again.

I'm so tired. So hungry. I've got to eat.