what i'm capable of....now

another deep depression. another death in my family and I know i will gain the weight back. and with the weight comes the diabetes. which i have seen kill too many family members. this is one of the reasons I'm having the DS done. 

I ballooned up too 350 after my uncle's death. shouldn't have been able too, but I did all without stretching my pouch. If it wasn't for the loss of my gallbladder, i wouldn't have lost this much weight. Each year i would drop weight, just not hungry. I had many huge gallstones. no pain, just bloating. Still have bloating today. 

The DS will prevent this from ever happening again. A 20lb gain I can handle. But 70+, let's be serious. I don't understand how things got to be this way, but here I am. I can't die now. My tummy tuck was more dangerous than my RNY. This is the most dangerous than the other two, leaks... we worry about leaks.

I heal fast, so with the lord on my side.